See you tomorrow, Olly Pub!

14 Dec

The fact that we shall make our acquaitance tomorrow means that I shall have to conjecture about your spelling. If you are ‘Ollie’ then I apologise.

Today’s paper was extremely blah. I was bored while writing the paper. I took frequent stare-out-of-the-window-and-wonder-what-that-tree-is-up-to breaks. I was simply not prepared well enough to attempt tight writing or sharp arguments and neither did I find the subject interesting enough to get excited in my preparations.

I took a moment out in my diary to mourn the fact that next sem will have neither my favourite subject (political theory) nor my favourite teachers. My heart weeps. And the way to my brain is through my heart.

It’s almost ten at night and I haven’t managed to summon the will and inclination to study for tomorrow. I’m just-blah. Given that it is the second time I am using that expression, it should tell you exactly how I feel.

Isn’t it amazing how the Divine Will is always in charge and how you can be aware of it if you are really watching out for it? People say the worship of God is blind: I’ve been taught it is subject to experiment. Don’t just believe in Divine Love because someone of some book said it exists: feel it; know it. It is when you experience it that you are flooded with the emotion of realisation, and the knowledge of how much more of it is there for you to hungrily consume. You have to want God with each and every atom of your being, you have to go on wanting, loving, giving yourself up into God’s hands to realise just how much of love God is willingly to give to you, no matter who you are. This is the heart of equality.

There are many ways of believing, and I will never presume to understand them all. I’d be privileged to even gain a better understanding of my ways of believing: all I know is that what you believe and how you believe is channeled by God to you. It makes me almost laugh to type ‘God’ thinking how silly it is to imagine that the Divine Force can be condensed into three letters, one word, one concept. There is only one way to begin to understand God and that is in experience. I pray that my life be a one long attempt at prayer and self-realisation and God-Realisation.

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