Thoughts thoughted upon the red chair.

16 Dec

I’m cold. But ofcourse, being the true blue Delhiite, I have to, on principle, smile indulgently at Kolkata’s attempt at winter. Which is why I find my winter suitcase, er, wardrobe, currently restricted to full sleeved cotton tees (four) and cotton waistcoats. Oh and dupattas that double as scarves for my throat. I’m going to layer with a vengeance and ingest hot water till the 20th when I hit Delhi and 11*C and can justify wool and warmth.

Since this morning, de-beered, I’ve been reflecting upon the drunken (buzzed only, on my part)socialising of last evening. I’ve had plenty of time to process that experience given as I’ve, naturally, been awake most unnaturally since 6 AM. It would figure that when I can finally afford to loll in bed, my body has to remember the laws of Murphy and turn itself alertfully awake at six bloody AM.

Anyhow, the drunken socialising. I’m not usually given to sharing a bottle (figure of speech; I didn’t really share yesterday either, I swigged the entire bottle). A)I’ve never done the peer pressure drinking-smoking routine. Never felt the need to get high through substance and refused to drink just because ooh, it’s so baad. Besides, I could get really, truly, passionately high without losing my wits through one of my two major obsessions in life, i.e, the wonderful sport of cricket (ages 12-16.5) and Iron Maiden (ages 13-now). There is no high like the high of turning up the volume to heavy metal that you trule, truly love like a part of your being. Even better, no high greater than actually being at a gig of your favourite band, acting out of character, trying to scream-sing, jump up and down and headbanging till your neck feels sore for the next one week. Just typing it makes me itch to go to my fourth Maiden gig. I would love to do that at other gigs of bands I love, but the only other bands I’d like to (pay to) listen to live are either disbanded (thank you fate for birthing me in the wrong decade) or quitting touring (hello, Judas Priest) or never coming to India.

Moving on with A), my point is that I only drink with friends on the rare occassion. And B)I pride myself on not getting high. The first time I went out drinking with friends (it was a very special occassion, aye) I mixed three drinks and was perfectly sane. A little buzzed and a little disoriented on my feet, but in control of my self. What the buzz does to me is that it loosens me up. It makes me more sociable than I usually am, lowers my inhibitions a wee bit. I don’t start acting out of character, talking a lot or start admitting embarassing things.

So it was great fun last night, having the happy buzz and sitting back, grinning, watching the others start acting out of character, talking a lot and start admitting embarassing things 😀 It felt surreal at times, like I was an audience watching a play, it felt like a performance and I was genuinely tickled. Yes, fun I did have. But I wasn’t laughing AT them, I was laughing with them and I genuinely felt closer and more affectionate towards each and everyone of them. Last evening did wonders for class bonding. There was a lot of warmth and genuine good humour involved, despite the heated debates about feminist humour (or lack of), Arundhati Roy and Charles Darwin. What can I say? We were drunk, but we were drunk MPhil students…:D

I’ve been feeling like I’ve achieved something special, like I’ve made an important journey, since the culmination of the exams. I’ve survived Semester One and my insecurities about my intellect and academic abilities. I’ve learnt (yet again) that my problem is mostly in my mind; I have to believe in myself. (A former boss, who I admire very much, told me that a couple of years ago, but I thought people are sort of obliged to say that. Like it’s standard motivation speak. I couldn’t understand how he could genuinely believe I ‘was extraordinary’. He was generous with his praise, but I think he meant it.) Everytime I lose my way, my Guru helps me find my way. He is special and I am blessed beyond belief to have his love and guidance. He is my anchor and the reason why I exist. He has given me thr most precious lesson this past week. I can SEE the impossible journey I have made, and I know I haven’t made it on my own. I know the fact that my assignments and exams went well, despite knowing for sure that I had written crap assignments and was underprepared enough to fail (not that I know I have passed already…I’m just guessing), had everything to do with Divine grace and love.

2011 holds special meaning in my life for two very, very important events and lessons. Guidance, if you will. The first was when I was guided towards Pranic Healing at a time when I was spiritually, emotionally, psychologically struggling. And the second was what happened the past few weeks. I’m not going to bore you with details, but suffice to say these are events that have given me extraordinary spiritual sustainance and guidance for the future.

End of reflection. More fanfiction, a nap and then I shall be ready to turn into a Domestic Goddess, cleaning up the flat, washing unwashed utensils, evicting spiders from webs and indeed demolishing as many as I can manage, packing my home suitcase. Holidays, here I come!


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