26 Mar


I have to shake my head and laugh at how often I need to get off the crazy road, pause and rewire myself. Because if I don’t laugh, I won’t be able to look back at this entry fifty years down the line and tell my kids-see? THAT’s how you deal with life 😛

March went by without any productive work happening. I didn’t transition too well from fieldwork to the writing process. Which is to say, I spent days at a stretch losing track of time, feeling like there is no rush, until bam! It’s the last week of March.

It’s not good for me to be without direction. I slip easily into zombie-like behaviour with liberal splashes of melancholy thrown in. It’s interesting to note, in a detached kind of way, how this kind of an existance exerts a kind of magnetic pull upon itself. It has a sick fascination for itself and needs to self-perpetuate by compulsively acting out those behaviours that feed it. In my case, this is also known as reading compulsively on the internet, reading compulsively off the net, watching episodes of Marple on youtube, and generally giving my good sense a holiday.

Oh to be born with a Pollyanna-like disposition sprinkled with the industriousness of an ant! I’d annoy the heck out of everyone by my mere existance, but MAN how easy my life would be!

Since I’m not, I have to deal with my self the old-fashioned, hands-on way. I have to stop and rewire myself as often as the need arises. I’m off to Delhi tonight, and I hope to get 5 days of yoga and a huge dose of family in. It worked the last time; so what if I am looking at 5 instead of 20 days on this stint? I’m also less lost than I was last October.

Speaking of time, if I ever decide to commit to a PhD, I have to remember that the days to work correlation is a really tricky thing. If I think that I need three months to write three chapters, it’s probably true. But life inevitably gets in the way, the trivial stuff more often than the nobler ones. Three months can suddenly shrink to one month. But that doesn’t change the fact that three chapters still need to get written! Panicking is an option, ofcourse, one that is liberally excercised, but outside of a heated head, racing thoughts, sweaty palms and a nasty attitude to life, nothing gets accomplished. We’re still left with one month for three chapters. And then we realise, we can STILL do this, but with altered life methods.

It’s crazy how one can increase one’s efficiency by first learning to discipline the mind. With deep concentration, one can do in ten minutes what would otherwise have taken ninety. And it’s crazy how easy it is to deepen concentration after the hard part is dealt with. Ahahahaha. Ofcourse there is a hard part.

And so, Yoga. Meditation. Prayer.


One Response to “Rewiring”

  1. countingducks March 26, 2013 at 4:09 pm #

    This is excellent stuff. You are right to reflect on ratio’s. They are a key management tool when it comes to completing essays and looking out of the window, which can be more fun. Also panicking is a useful way to burn off unnecessary weight, so still good in moderation. ( ratios again ). This was a great read. Most of all I hope you get everything done in time.

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