And, on…

19 Aug

Two days ago, I turned 26. Twenty six is how old Rahul Dravid, Sourav Ganguly and Sachin Tendulkar were when I discovered and fell in love with cricket, at the 1999 ICC Cricket World Cup. In 1999, I was twelve. 🙂

Twenty six, I’m discovering, is much nicer than twenty five. It is more adult and it is more decided. This marks the year when I shall no longer ‘hide’ my love for God. It started when a month or so ago I ‘outted’ myself to my batch. As I explained the relationship I shared with God, I could see more than one pair of eyes glaze over with disinterest and maybe even discomfort. But I only felt relieved. Yeah, this is me, I wanted to say.

This is the year when I stop hiding the the blessing I wear around my neck, on a red silk thread. When I wear clothes with bigger necks, I am no longer removing the blessing to pin it up inside my clothes.

This is the year when I work on spiritual discipline: making sure that nothing interrupts my twice daily meditation. I struggle to keep up with meditation when my routine changes. So when I travel home to Delhi, or when people are over, I don’t meditate. That has to change and this can change: earlier it used to be that even weekends would stall my meditation. Now, however, that is no longer a problem. Without meditation I don’t practice the presence of God, and without the presence of God I’m a pretty terrible version of myself 🙂

This is also the year when I work on reducing my personal consumption levels. I don’t think I’m extravagant, but I’m not frugal either. I must learn to live on a budget of essentials only. Which means- no chicken rolls, irrespective of the fact that they are cheap!

This is also the year when I learn to rest on God for everything. If the past two years of MPhil were lessons in resting on God on matters of the self, this year might be a lesson in learning to leave to God even the pleasant things. Paramahansa Yogananda warns that it is not just the dark times that takes one’s mind away from God, but also the pleasant times. The dark times were so urgent and pressing in the past two years that I never really understood the truth of the latter. Until, ofcourse, the end of my dissertation. Just before I submitted, I was SO EXCITED that my happy excitement began to intrude into my attempt to meditate. It made me restless. It was a valuable teaching moment from the Love to me. My job as a student and disciple isn’t done merely by becoming aware of darkness and dealing with it: it extends to being able to ride out all extreme feelings without allowing them to take my attention away from God. Pleasantness has registered a rather strong presence in the past few weeks in the form of a wonderful person I’ve started interacting with. As I figure out my feelings for him, I have a wonderful opportunity to learn to leave even this in the hands of God. 

There are more rambly thoughts in my head with regard to turning twenty six, adulthood, learning to deal with vulnerability as an adult, but I leave that for the posts that will eventually come up in this blog.

 

 

 

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One Response to “And, on…”

  1. countingducks August 26, 2013 at 2:26 pm #

    You have a strong faith and you are right to celebrate it. Having a viewpoint or conviction without ramming it down another’s throat is not easy, and that is why some people are nervous when you talk about God, but you are right to be honest about your beliefs, which you express so beautifully

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