Write a hundred times…

6 Nov

‘I will not be a feverish fool’

Or,

Some simple rules that are incredibly hard to follow…even though they are simple, because they are hard, because they are simple…

And round and round the merry-go-round we go! For that’s what it is.

Tomorrow will be a week from last Thursday, a week that was incredibly hard to deal with to begin with. Because, I panicked. I had a report to write, I was unable to make any headway on the report and started entertaining an impressive variety of doomsday thoughts. I’m becoming quite the pro at hosting these acid-laced zip zip rollercoaster gravity plunging thought-parties in my head. It was a theme party to begin with and the theme was ‘Oh You Fool’. Because, you know, going ahead and volunteering with this organisation and then not being able to give them anything and all that…

I must say though they’ve been awesome to me. I’ve been chastised for getting so worked up about it and been ordered to chill. And, the panic was clarifying in a sense because by taking away sanity, it brought me back to basics. Helped remind me that I’ve made the decision to rest and act in God, and in God I must rest and act at all times (like I said…simple rule, hard to follow…). Somehow these not-so-pleasant moments are really, really good for my spiritual journey.

The report is flowing now. Long way to go yet, but I’m writing (and patting myself on the back for being 6000 words deep), and have hit the ‘zone’ where I’m content to write without worrying about the ‘end’.

Dear self,

Kindly remember you enjoy using your brain.

Regards,

The self.

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2 Responses to “Write a hundred times…”

  1. Peter Wells aka Countingducks November 12, 2013 at 12:14 am #

    I think your brain and mine are related: I have these episodes as well. Its nice to know the organisation was so understanding. I wish I read that more often. Being with people who are tolerant makes everything more ‘doable’ in the end

    • astudentinkolkata November 15, 2013 at 11:03 pm #

      *Brain hand-shake*

      I’m realising how important that is, too.

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