Aside 25 Feb

Just as I had to remind myself two years ago, I have to remind myself again: spiritual journeys are hard.

I thought I knew this by now. Seasoned warrior that I am, two whole years down since I began to take my quest for God seriously (i.e. move towards a meditation technique and a daily meditation habit)…

Oh, the foolishness 🙂 I ain’t ever going to be a ‘seasoned warrior’. I’m never going to be in control of my efforts to deepen my spiritual practice. Over the years, I might begin to identify the kinds of difficulties that periodically raise their heads, but there will always be subtle differences. What worked the last time in overcoming the hurdles need not work this time. What took a week or a month earlier, might take two months, six months, a year this time.

The bottom line isn’t always the bottom line. Yes, I do need to remember to never miss a meditation, and that there will be innumerable ways in which my mind and body will try to trick me into skipping meditation. But also, simply gritting one’s teeth and plowing on, once in the morning and once in the night, does not always work. I can’t be looking to stubbornly using my strength to squash my disinclination to meditate. Because I am never going to be strong enough to fight delusion. I need to, instead, surrender to God and Guru, and pray for help, instead of hiding and feeling guilty because my efforts are inadequate. My own strength will never take me far.

Timelines, I have to remember, only belong on Facebook.

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