About this blog

Edit: 9 September, 2018

Hiya. Still here, still being me, only in 2018. That’s just two years short of (what was then) the distant future of 2020 in which I set my first science fiction short story in 1999-ish.

I’m 31 years old, in the fifth year of my PhD, grappling with severe stasis in my chapter writing phase (the fieldwork went well, thanks). I have two more years to finish the PhD, but I will lose my mind if I’m not done by next year. Being a full-time student means that I’m, ahem, unemployed and not feeling very employable until the damn dear PhD is done.

I’m intentionally single and looking to stay that way because I feel deeply that the only reason to romantically partner up and/or start a family is if one feels so directed within. I don’t feel directed within, though if that changes, I will do my best to say yes to that direction. This does not mean I don’t seek love and companionship, but only that I know that the source of unchanging love and unending companionship lies not in any fellow mortal, but in God, to pursue Whom we can only go deep within. I have faith in only that eternal romance.

This way of living kind of means I face a lot of scrutiny from friends, family and the outside world. Even if not marriage, people around me believe there ought to be human lover or even lovers in my life, or I will go mad. What was admirable in a 24 year old is suddenly far too odd and threatening in a 31 year old. It’s exhausting to battle this strong conviction of others that I will not be okay/that I will regret my decision later, and that time is running out yadayada. And sometimes now my confidence is shaken by how sure other people are that the pursuit of non-monastic singlehood can only spell disaster in the future. However, I’m sure it must mean something that the fear of the doomed future isn’t springing from my heart, but from the impact of other people on my vulnerable mind. We’ll see πŸ™‚

Also, like many people, I struggle with my mind. I have to actively work on feeling balance, and I do not always succeed in fighting that fight. However, I welcome the struggle because I believe there is merit in struggle. And that my spiritual training in this life includes the training of my mind. What is hard is a gift, because if nothing is hard, what if I forget I want to make my way back to Him who is the source of all?

Ah yes, the spiritual stuff. I love God and I love Guru, though I’m not the best disciple in training. I have the incredible fortune of a true Guru who made Himself known to me in my infancy, gave me powerful techniques of spiritual practice and yet look at how much time I waste not doing them! I have been led to a powerful energy healing system called Pranic Healing, and that too I practice insufficiently! My one goal in life is to be truer and more regular to my meditation practice, to actively love God and Guru unconditionally, and to make proper use of the gift of Pranic Healing. I fail far too often, but as long as He will bring me back, I’ll hold on to His coat tails and come back and start again.

Edit: 13 January, 2015

The first time I accidentally attended a group meditation at the Dakshineshwar YSS, the monk conducting the session spoke of how many devotees practice the teachings and meditate for a couple of years and then drift away or stop. That will never be me, I thought; I love God far too much to do that.

Oh naive me πŸ™‚ I still love God, but two years hence I realised that the path gets hard irrespective of how much you love God. One makes progress and then regresses horrifyingly. I expected that by now I would have established a regular, twice daily meditation practice. Instead, I have lost even the once daily practice and a strong dose of maya, delusion, has been my unwelcome visitor over the past year.

I will probably fall hard, and harder, more times than I can count on this journey. That is okay. I just want to focus on getting back up and trying again. “Banat banat ban jaye”. Keep on keeping on. Words from my Guru to live by.

I believe that all religions (except a lot of the new age derivative nonsense- I really get impatient with many of them!) speak the same truth, but also that one needs to find one’s specific line of teaching/religion and stick to that in order to realise God. For me, that has been through the teachings of the YSS/SRF.

I would love to hear from you πŸ™‚

Edit: 4 January, 2013

Well, I should revisit this page now, no? And update? So long it’s been.

I’m going to let the initial ‘About Me’ remain, because it’s a part of this blog’s history, and append to it as I go along.

This blog has turned into a place where I reflect and share some of my spiritual struggles, mostly. Until I started writing here, I didn’t realise how hungry I was to share some of these thoughts in a potentially public space. They live bottled up in me otherwise, because I don’t have a spiritual support group. Being a leftie social science research student also means that I never encounter spirituality in the classroom, in discussions and debates. ‘Religion’ has a pretty bad rap in these circles, and not undeservedly. I’m careful to use quotes here because religion really means such different things to different people. It doesn’t always mean an experience of and loving surrender to God: and that’s the only kind I am interested in.

I therefore find myself in an odd position, as a leftie lover of God. Many people would say that is an oxymoron but I KNOW it is not. I wish I had the clarity of thought to explain why not, but I’m not interested in that right now, because I’m here not to preach or plead my case but to write and reflect and reflect and write. What I lack in a spiritual support group in flesh, I’m beginning to find in the blogosphere. There are some wonderful words of wisdom and wonderful examples of living in God out here in the blogging world. They have become so important to me.
And that’s just how things are!:)

(Oh and Calcutta, Me, Me, Calcutta. We like each other,mostly. This will never now be a blog about Calcutta because I actually want to hide from Calcutta people. It would be hard to maintain anonymity otherwise. And honestly, it’s important for me to be anonymous at this early stage of putting my spiritual thoughts out there. ‘Coming out of the closet’ so to speak. I’m NOT ashamed of my beliefs-faaaar from it- but there are too many pre-conceived notions that I’m just not interested in engaging with right now. Maybe I will, when I gain in maturity.)

—-

2011

I have other blogs. I’m trying to be mature and scholarly in them.

*WARNING*

This blog is built for the express purpose of potential silliness.

Let me tell you about me. I’m an M.Phil student, on the wrong side of twenty, back in the city I was born in, after twenty three years. That makes me, officially, an NRB: Non Resident Bong. I have no idea how Bhadrolok Central will take to me or how I will take to it. We wait to see.

Now tell me about you.

 

 

 

 

 

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8 Responses to “About this blog”

  1. Subhan Zein March 18, 2012 at 1:32 pm #

    Hi,

    You should write more here. I’m sure many people will find your posts inspiring! πŸ™‚

    Have a lovely day, my friend! πŸ™‚

    Subhan Zein

    • astudentinkolkata March 18, 2012 at 1:47 pm #

      Hello and thanks for the comment πŸ™‚ I really should pay more attention to this blog.

      • Subhan Zein March 18, 2012 at 1:48 pm #

        yes, you should! It’ll be great if you do! πŸ™‚

        Subhan Zein

  2. countingducks December 4, 2012 at 6:40 pm #

    I’ve looked at some of your earliest posts, when you were starting this Blog. I enjoyed them, but comments were closed, so I thought I might as well mention it here

    • astudentinkolkata December 4, 2012 at 11:25 pm #

      Oh dear, is that so? I better check my settings because that is not supposed to be happening!

      And thank you πŸ™‚

  3. klarapopkin January 10, 2014 at 9:16 am #

    Now tell me about you.

    I’m a fan πŸ™‚

    I think it’s wonderful that an anonymous blog can give you what you’re looking for in your need to express your soul openly. I love reading honest words wherever they come from. It’s almost counter-intuitive how using a real name (as people do on Facebook) much more likely causes people to make things up and hide behind an image they’d like to be real, but anonymity and pseudonymity frees people to be who they are and know that this is all they need to be.

  4. peaceloveandsmoothies January 12, 2016 at 11:24 am #

    Be an oxymoron – no one has to fit into the neat boxes drawn by generalizations that are themselves based on agglomerations, rather than individuals. Very inspiring about page!

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